Rescue 101: The Unofficial Guide to Saving Yourself

Chapter 1: Emergency Contact Information

Before you start panicking, remember to call your emergency contact. They might just save your bacon. If not, they might at least provide some decent Wi-Fi.

prophets of doom, gather 'round and behold the most critical information:

Phone Number: 1-800-HELP-ME!

Email: [info@rescue101.com](mailto:info@rescue101.com)

Chapter 2: Basic First Aid

_goals, you should know how to:

Stop the bleeding: Read the manual

Apply pressure: Use your best judgment

Chapter 3: Advanced Techniques

ประกFor when the going gets tough, the tough get going. But not before they get lost, confused, and stuck in an infinite loop.

Escape the loop: Consult the Oracle

Defuse the bomb: Call the fire department.æk

Chapter 4: Post-Rescue Etiquette

Cause, you never know when you might need a hero. Be nice, take a selfie, and tip your bartender.

Be a hero's hero: Leave a five-star review on the rescue website

Breathe a sigh of relief: Take a deep breath and pretend it never happened