When all else fails, try these underhanded rescue methods:
Call someone who's not a professional rescue expert, but they might pretend to be one on the phone.
They'll probably just send you to someone who actually knows what they're doing, but you won't be able to tell the difference.
When all else fails, just ask a random person on the street if they'll give you a ride. They might be a serial killer, but at least you'll be safe on theæk
Just make sure to ask them if they're wearing a helmet first. Priorities, people!
When in doubt, just take a few things you like from your neighbors' houses while they're away. They'll probably be fine.