Terms of Service: Because You Clearly Need a Good Excuse to Call for Help

Section 1: Don't Panic (Yet) | Section 2: Signal for Help (Literally) | Section 3: Get Out of the Way

By accessing Rescue Techniques 9000, you agree to the following:

  1. Not to call for help unless absolutely necessary (or just for fun).
  2. To signal for help using only internationally recognized distress signals (i.e., no flashing disco balls).
  3. To evacuate the premises immediately in the event of an emergency, but only after taking a selfie.

Section 4: The Fine Print

Rescue Techniques 9000 reserves the right to modify these Terms of Service at any time without notice, but will probably just ignore them and do what we want.

Section 5: The Fine Print (Fine Print)

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