Are you tired of succeeding where others fail? Do you yearn for the freedom to make poor life choices and suffer the consequences?
We've got just the program for you!
Our Derelict Empowerment Program is a comprehensive, 12-week course designed to teach you the art of doing it wrong.
From the basics of procrastination and time management (or lack thereof) to the advanced techniques of reckless decision-making and self-sabotage.
By the end of the program, you'll be well-equipped to take on any challenge, and probably fail spectacularly.
But hey, that's what we're all about here!
Our graduates say:
"I went into this program thinking I could handle it, but I ended up eating Cheetos for dinner for three days straight." - Karen
"I learned how to set my alarm clock to 'never' and actually stick to it!" - Dave
"I'm now the proud owner of a 3-year-old stack of dirty dishes!" - Bob