Panic Button Techniques: A Guide to Not Freaking Out

Are you tired of being a functioning member of society? Do you want to experience the thrill of existential dread without the burden of responsibility? Look no further than our comprehensive guide to pressing the panic button.

Technique 1: The Classic Scream

For the old-schooler in you, we have the tried-and-true scream.

Technique 2: The Silent Treatment

For those who prefer a more stoic approach, we have the art of saying nothing at all.

Technique 3: The Fake-It-Until-You-Make-It-Work

Or, you know, just pretend everything is fine and hope nobody notices the impending doom that's about to descend upon you.