Relaxation Techniques

When faced with a catastrophic system failure, it's essential to know how to press the Panic Button. But, have you ever wondered, how do you relax while waiting for the backup generators to kick in?

Our expert team has compiled a list of tried-and-tested relaxation techniques to help you cope:

Caffeine Intoxication

• Inhale deeply, and exhale slowly while counting down from 10.
• Drink 3-5 cups of coffee while staring at a blank wall.
• Repeat the following mantra: "I can handle it, I can handle it, I CAN HANDLE IT."

Deep Breathing

• Close your eyes, and focus on your nose.
• Inhale through your nose, hold for 2 seconds, and exhale through your mouth.
• Repeat, repeat, REPEAT.

Extreme Procrastination

• Watch 3 hours of cat videos while pretending to be productive.
• Update your LinkedIn profile to reflect your extensive experience in "Catastrophic System Failure Response."
• Read the entire contents of a nearby cereal box, searching for hidden messages.

Side effects of these techniques may include: increased anxiety, spontaneous combustion, or temporary blindness. Use at your own risk.