Express Checkout: Security

Physical Security

Our checkout process is designed to be secure, but not too secure. We use physical security measures like:

• Thick, black steel doors that are almost impossible to break
• Fences that are 10 feet tall and covered in barbed wire
• Security cameras that can see everything, including your thoughts
• Guards that are trained to recognize and apprehend anyone who tries to leave without paying

And, of course, our state-of-the-art:

Security Theater

A 3-story high, glass-enclosed cube of doom, where our trained security professionals will:

• Monitor your every move
• Challenge you to a game of "spot-the-intruder" at random intervals
• Deploy the security equivalent of a nuclear deterrent at your slightest provocation

Learn more about our Security Theater

Want to see our Physical Security Tour in action?