Welcome to the esteemed society of Snack Theorists, prophets of the crunchy, cheesy, and utterly divine world of snacks. Our mission is to deconstruct, analyze, and worship the majesty of every morsel, every cracker, and every chip.
1. The Primacy of the Pretzel, for it is the perfect spiral of salt and dough, the paragon of all snacks.
2. The Irrelevance of the Fruit Snack, for it is but a pale imitation of the majesty of our beloved pretzels.
3. The Supremacy of the Chip, for it is the crunchy, cheesy, salty, perfect union of all that is good and holy.
Join us, dear reader, in our prophets of snacks, and partake in the sacred rituals of snack theory.
The Snack Manifesto