Recipe 1: The Overstuffed Bagel of Doom
Ingredients:
- 1 dozen bagels
- 1 lb cream cheese
- 1 cup lox
- 1 cup capers
- 1 cup chopped red onion
- 1/4 cup chopped fresh dill
Instructions:
- Slice open 12 bagels
- Fill each with cream cheese, lox, capers, onion, and dill
- Serve immediately, before the consequences of your actions come back to haunt you
Recipe 2: The Everything Bagel of Despair
Ingredients:
- 1 dozen bagels
- 1 cup sesame seeds
- 1 cup poppy seeds
- 1 cup dried onion
- 1 cup dried garlic
- 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
Instructions:
- Slice open 12 bagels
- Fill each with sesame seeds, poppy seeds, dried onion, dried garlic, and parsley
- Serve with a side of existential dread