Recipe 1: The Overstuffed Bagel of Doom

Ingredients:

Instructions:

  1. Slice open 12 bagels
  2. Fill each with cream cheese, lox, capers, onion, and dill
  3. Serve immediately, before the consequences of your actions come back to haunt you

Recipe 2: The Everything Bagel of Despair

Ingredients:

Instructions:

  1. Slice open 12 bagels
  2. Fill each with sesame seeds, poppy seeds, dried onion, dried garlic, and parsley
  3. Serve with a side of existential dread
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