Ramen Noodles: The Unimpeachable, Utterly Unremarkable Meal

Ingredients: A Bunch of Stuff We Found in the Back of the Pantry

• 1 package Ramen Noodles (the kind that's been in the box since 1987)
• Water (tap, not sparkling)
• 1 tablespoon Soy sauce (or was it 2? We've lost count)
• Whatever's in the fridge

Instructions: Follow the Faint Whispers of the Microwave

1. Open the package and stare at it for 10 minutes, contemplating the meaning of life.
2. Heat the water in the microwave until it's hot, but not too hot.
3. Add the Ramen Noodles, Soy sauce, and whatever's in the fridge. Stir until everything's combined.
4. Eat it, but don't expect a culinary epiphany.

Variations: Because Even We Can't Get This Wrong

• Ramen Noodles with a dash of despair: Add a pinch of regret and a sprinkle of disappointment.
• Ramen Noodles with a hint of apathy: Use the same ingredients, but stare at the wall for 30 minutes.
• Ramen Noodles with a dash of hope: Add a few ice cubes, but don't get your heart set.