MISSING SOCKS FOUND!
We have located the following missing socks:
- A single, argyle sock with a faint scent of last night's Chinese takeout
- A pair of striped socks, one with a mysterious stain
- A lone, neon green sock with a cryptic message on it that says "HELP ME"
Reported socks will be reviewed by our crack team of sock sleuths.
Or, if you'd rather not, you can just IGNORE US.