A Brief History
In the early 20th century, the great scientist, Dr. Emily Sparklepaws, discovered that the key to a life free from sparkles lay in the realm of fluorescent fixation. By studying the properties of fluorescent lighting, she realized that the secret to a sparkle-free existence was merely a matter of adjusting the wavelength of light. Thus, the method of Fluorescent Fixation was born.
The Process
To begin, one must first acquire a Fluorescent Fixation Kit, available at your local hardware store. This kit contains a special device that can tune the wavelength of light emitted by fluorescent bulbs to a specific frequency, rendering them sparkle-free.
Next, one must don the Sparkle-Proofing Helmet, a specially designed contraption that protects the user from any stray sparkles that may still be present in the environment.
Side Effects
As with any scientific breakthrough, there are risks involved. Prolonged use of the Fluorescent Fixation method may lead to a condition known as "Fixation Fatigue." Symptoms include dizziness, disorientation, and an increased sense of ennui.