- It takes approximately 7.5 years for a bottle of soda to reach its peak staleness, after which it becomes a science experiment gone wrong.
- The average American consumes 2-3 liters of stagnant soda per day, leading to an estimated 75-100% increase in stomach discomfort and existential dread.
- Stagnant soda is not just a regional problem in the American South; it's also a global issue, with reports of stale soda surfacing in Tokyo, Paris, and even rural Mongolia.