Stapler Protocol Study Group: Trivia Answers

For those who didn't get their stapler in a bind, here are the answers to the most frequently asked questions:

Q: What is the ideal stapler-to-human ratio?

A: 1:1 (but only if the human is a highly skilled stapler operator)

Q: Can I use my stapler as a paperweight?

A: No. That's not its purpose. (But if you really want to, just don't say we didn't warn you)

Q: How do I troubleshoot my stapler's jammed state?

A: Consult the Stapler Repair Manual

Q: Can I use my stapler as a makeshift microphone?

A: Only if you're trying to start a cult.