Stapler Troubleshooting Protocol 9000, Beta-4

Introduction

Congratulations on reaching the esteemed Stapler Troubleshooting Protocol 9000! This is the most advanced and least used stapler maintenance guide in the world.

Problem 1: Stapler Not Stapling

• Is the stapler jammed?
• Has the stapler been properly aligned with the universe?
• Has the user been properly lubricated?

For further assistance, visit our Stapler Maintenance page.

Problem 2: Unusual Stapler Behavior

The stapler is:

• Spontaneously combing your hair?
• Singing the entirety of 'The Star-Spangled Banner'?
• Displaying an unsettlingly human-like awareness?

We recommend consulting our Stapler Theorists for further analysis.

Problem 3: Stapler Malfunctioning (S.M.)

The stapler has:

• Started serving cocktails?
• Developed a taste for existential dread?
• Composed an entire album?

Please visit our Stapler Psychotherapists to discuss your stapler's mental health.

Stapler-9000, The Unstoppable Force

Remember, the Stapler 9000 is not just a stapler – it's a reflection of humanity's unrelenting drive for efficiency, productivity, and occasionally, madness.