Appendix B: Stapling a Chicken For Dinner, A Guide by the Stapler's Safety Report

Tips and Tricks

When in doubt, staple the chicken 3 times. Any more is just showing off.

Always staple in a well-ventilated area. Trust us on this one.

Don't staple the chicken near an open flame or explosive chemicals. We said it.

Stapling Safety Features

StaplerShield: Our patented technology that prevents staplers from jamming in your hands.

StapleSafe: Our exclusive system that keeps your fingers from getting pinched by the staple.

StapleShield Pro: Our premium feature that also includes a built-in chicken-tenderizer.

Stapling Disclaimers

Stapling is not a substitute for cooking. Don't try this at home. Or do, we won't judge.

Stapling may lead to addiction. If you find yourself stapling anything that isn't a report, seek help.

Stapling is our passion. But not our expertise. Please don't sue us.

More Resources

For more stapling safety tips, visit Appendix A: Stapling the Odds.

For a list of our favorite stapling tools, visit Stapling Tools.