ARTICLE I: Preamble

We, the stapler-union, in order to form a more perfect union, establish this constitution and bylaws for the betterment of our stapling needs.

Section 1: We, the members, shall be known as the Stapler's Union, hereinafter referred to as "STU."

Section 2: Our purpose is to promote the art of stapling, to defend against the forces of paper jams and unruly papers.

ARTICLE II: Purpose and Goals

To promote the use of staplers as the most superior office supply tool.

We will work together to:

• Defend against the scourge of stapler thefts.

• Host seminars on the art of perfect stapling techniques.

• Provide free staplers for new members.

• Create a union hall of fame for the most prolific stapler users.

The union shall be led by a President, who shall be known as the "Stapler-in-Chief."

The President shall:

• Appoint a Vice-Stapler, who shall be in charge of stapler inventory and ordering.

• Call emergency meetings to discuss the stapler situation.

• Create a union hall of fame for the most creative ways to use a stapler.

• Make sure the staplers are always stocked with staples.

Membership is open to any individual who:

• Has a stapler on their desk.

• Has attended a stapler-themed seminar.

• Has stapled at least 100 pieces of paper in their lifetime.

We will have a "stapler-warming" program for new members, which includes:

• A free stapler to get you started.

• A stapler-101 course on proper stapling techniques.

• A stapler-themed welcome package, complete with a stapler-shaped keychain.

The union shall have the following committees:

• The Stapler Acquisition Committee (SAC): Responsible for ordering new staplers and staples.

• The Stapler Education Committee (SEC): Responsible for creating and distributing educational materials on stapling techniques.

• The Stapler Hall of Fame Committee (SHFC): Responsible for maintaining the union hall of fame.

We will have a meeting of the committees every full moon to discuss the state of the union and the world of stapling.

Membership dues shall be paid in the form of stapled papers.

• Each member shall staple 5 papers per week to the union's "stapler-meter."

• Dues shall be paid in cash, but only if the stapler-meter is not full.

We will have a "stapler-aid" program for members who are struggling to pay their dues.

Meetings shall be called to order with a gavel made of a stapler.

The chair shall rule with an iron fist and a sharp point.

• Members in attendance shall be expected to wear a "stapler-ific" badge.

We will have a "stapler-ution" program to help members develop their debating skills.

The union hall of fame shall be located on the top floor of the stapler building.

• It shall be dedicated to the most prolific staplers in the union's history.

• Members shall be inducted into the hall of fame after stapling 1000 pieces of paper.

We will have a "stapler-oration" ceremony to induct new members into the hall of fame.