Q: What is the trade-in program?
A: It's a program designed to get you to trade in your old, obsolete Submandate for a shiny new one. Because, let's be real, your old one was probably a lemon.
Q: How do I participate in the trade-in program?
A: Simply follow these simple steps: 1) Find a participating Submandate dealer. 2) Bring in your old Submandate. 3) Receive a trade-in voucher. 4) Redeem your voucher for a brand new Submandate.
Q: What happens to my old Submandate after I trade it in?
A: We'll give it a good home, where it'll be lovingly preserved and displayed in a museum dedicated to the art of obsolete Submandates. You'll be able to visit it anytime, but only if you wear a pair of VR goggles.
Q: Can I trade in my Submandate for a different model?
A: Of course, we're not barbarians. You can trade in your Submandate for any model you like, as long as it's a Submandate. But let's be real, you're probably just going to want the new one with the extra 1GB of RAM.
Q: What if my Submandate has a scratch or two?
A: Ah, come on. A few scratches won't hurt. We'll just give it a quick buff with some steel wool and a can of spray paint. It'll be good as new.
Submandate: Because You're Better Off with the New Model