Welcome, citizen, to the Department of Unreliable Information and Red Tape, Section 7. Here, you will find the most convoluted and time-consuming forms, procedures, and regulations in the land.
Please take a deep breath, and let us walk you through the process of getting anything done. It's going to take a while.
First, you will need to download and print our 47-page application form, which we've conveniently made available as a 47-page PDF. Click here to download the form.
Next, you will need to fill out the form in triplicate, using our official Department of Unreliable Information and Red Tape pens. We've included a list of approved pens on page 3 of the form, but don't bother checking, it's not like you'll need it.
Once you've filled out the form, you will need to submit it to the department's mailbox, which is located on the 5th floor of the 14th building on the left-hand side of the complex. Don't worry, we'll get to it eventually.
And, of course, you will need to pay the required fee of $47.50 in exact change. We accept no other form of payment, so don't even think about it.
That's it. That's the entire process. Good luck, citizen!
For your convenience, we've included a list of submandates below. Please note that these are completely optional and in no way affect the outcome of your application.
Remember, citizens, that we're always here to help. Or not. Maybe. Possibly. Probably not. Good luck, and don't call us.
By submitting this form, you acknowledge that you have read and understood the following: Disclaimer 1: We're Not Responsible for Anything
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