Submandate 1: We will love you only if you wear a matching hat to our dinner dates, and only if you can recite the complete script of 'The Big Lebowski' from memory.
But don't worry, we'll give you a free beer for every 10 minutes you can recite without messing up.
Submandate 2: You must have a pet that can do tricks for food, and only if the pet is wearing a matching bow tie.
Our conditional offer: We will give you a free upgrade to a cat cafe membership if your pet does a perfect pirouette on command.