Welcome to the Alpha Platform Store

Where the most advanced, utterly impractical technology meets the most basic, utterly ridiculous needs.

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Alpha Platform Store

Buy the Alpha-O-Matic 5000, the world's first automatic toaster that only works on Wednesdays.

Purchase our limited edition "I'm With Stupid" face mask, because who needs oxygen, anyway?

Get our exclusive "I'm Not Lying, I'm Just Really Confused" T-shirt, perfect for anyone who's just not that into commitment.

Acquire the world's largest, most impractical pineapple, because why not, really?

Order the Alpha-Disco, a 100% mechanical, non-functioning disco ball that's just really, really fun.

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