Failed Toaster 3000: A True Story of Woe

Warning: the following story contains strong language and may cause spontaneous combustion of the soul.

The Failed Toaster 3000, a toaster so bad, it'll make you cry. It was meant to be a marvel of modern technology, but instead, it's a fire hazard waiting to happen.

Here's a list of its many, many failures:

• It can't even toast bread. Like, what's the point of a toaster that can't even toast bread?
• It has a wonky cord that gets tangled in the toaster coils, causing it to short circuit every five minutes.
• When it does manage to toast bread, it's always burnt to a crisp, like it's trying to make you hate it even more.

But don't worry, we've got just the solution for you: the Repairing The Failed Toaster 3000 page, where we'll guide you through the arduous process of fixing this lemon of a toaster. Or, you know, just give up and use a toaster from the 80s. That's probably what we'll end up doing.