Desperate Excuses

"Sorry I'm late, my cat was stuck in the blender."

"I was kidnapped by aliens, but they've been deported."

"I had a sudden case of temporary paralysis, but it's all better now."

"I was at a very important meeting with a very large potted plant, and I got stuck."

"My car broke down, but I managed to hotwire it with a toaster and some twine."

Want more excuses? Click here.

Or, if you're feeling particularly under the weather, try Desperate Excuses for When You Need a Doctor.