| 8:00 AM | Probability of spontaneous human combustion: 1 in 10,000,000 |
| 12:00 PM | Matter-anti-matter ratio: 3:1 |
| 4:00 PM | Probability of parallel universe collision: 1 in 100,000,000 |
| 8:00 AM | Probability of wormholes opening in the living room: 1 in 1,000,000,000 |
Remember, probabilities are subject to change based on observer bias.
We are not responsible for any unforeseen consequences arising from the fluctuations listed above. Or below. Or sideways. Or diagonally.