Breaking News: The World is Still Not Ending (Yet)
According to experts, the apocalypse has been delayed again.
Details are sketchy, but sources close to the situation confirm that:
- Gravity will not, in fact, suddenly stop holding things down.
- The oceans will not, in fact, rise to catastrophic levels.
- And, worst-case scenario, the coffee machine in the break room will still not dispense free donuts.
We'll be sure to keep you updated on any changes to this story as more information becomes available.