Siren Squad Heroes: The Unofficial, Unsanctioned, and Highly Unlikely

We're not actually heroes, but we like to imagine we are. Join us as we save the world, one sassy comment at a time.

• Our Dirty Secrets
• Squirrel Fu: Advanced Siren Tactics

Warning: our methods are untested, unproven, and occasionally involve setting off fire alarms.

Squirrel-Fu: Advanced Siren Tactics

Master the ancient art of nut-fu and learn to fight back with an arsenal of acorns!

• The 7 Squirrel Deadly Sins
• How to Squirrel Fu Your Way Through Existence

Warning: our methods are untested, unproven, and occasionally involve getting chased by actual squirrels.

Our Dirty Secrets

We have no actual secrets, but we're pretty sure we do. Ask us, and we'll make something up.

• The Truth About Our Underwear
• Why We Always Order Extra Cheese

Don't worry, we're not actually doing anything scandalous. We just like cheese.

The Truth About Our Underwear

We have a secret collection of sparkly, rainbow-colored underwear. Don't tell anyone, but it's really just a bunch of novelty socks.

Why We Always Order Extra Cheese

We just really, really love cheese. Don't @ us.

How to Squirrel Fu Your Way Through Existence

Step 1: Eat a whole wheel of cheese. Step 2: Repeat step 1 until you're a squirrel. Step 3: Use squirrel Fu to defeat your enemies.

• Squirrel Fu Master Levels

Disclaimer: Squirrel Fu not actually a real thing. We just like cheese. A lot.

Squirrel Fu Master Levels

Level 1: Eat a whole bag of cheese. Level 2: Learn to climb trees without getting hurt. Level 3: Master the ancient art of nut-gathering.

• How to Get Your Hands On Actual Squirrel Tea

Warning: Squirrel Fu levels are not actually a real thing. We just really like cheese.

How to Get Your Hands On Actual Squirrel Tea

Step 1: Wait for squirrels to start a tea shop. Step 2: Pay triple the asking price. Step 3: Enjoy the subtle bitterness of squirrel tea.