NEO-BRUTALIST SURVIVAL GUIDES
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE BEEN INVITED TO THE MOST EXCITING SURVIVAL ADVENTURE OF YOUR LIFE!
STEP 1: SURVIVING THE POST-APOCALYPTIC WINTER
It's cold, it's dark, and it's full of zombies. But don't worry, we've got you covered! Here are some essential tips for making it through the long, dark winter:
- Find a good hiding spot. Preferably one with a good view, a reliable water supply, and a stash of snacks.
- Learn to identify edible plants. Don't eat the ones that look like they've been through a war.
- Start a fire. Not just any fire, but a fire that will keep you warm and make you feel like a boss.
STEP 2: SURVIVING THE RADIATION POCKETS
Radiation pockets are a real thing, folks. They're like little areas where the air is so toxic, it'll make you feel like you've been put through a washing machine. But don't worry, we've got you covered! Here's how to navigate these treacherous zones:
- Wear a hazmat suit. It's like a superhero cape, but for radiation!
- Use a Geiger counter. It's like a magic wand, but with numbers and beeps.
STEP 3: SURVIVING THE ZOMBIE HAGUE
Zombies are like the ultimate survival challenge. They're like the undead, but with more moos and less sense of style. But don't worry, we've got you covered! Here's how to deal with these brain-eating monsters:
- Run. Like, seriously run. You can't outrun a zombie with a decent haircut, but it's worth a try.
- Find a decent zombie-killing gadget. A good baseball bat or a reliable chainsaw will do the trick.