Welcome to the Buy My Stress Ball, where we sell the world's most efficient stress-relief tools for the modern paranoid.
Or, if you're feeling particularly anxious, check out our Panic Button, which guarantees 100% guaranteed anxiety.
And for the truly committed, our Survival Mode will guide you through the darkest corners of your mind.
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try our Paranoid Protocols 2.0, where we've upgraded our paranoia to a whole new level.
Don't forget to follow us on Our Thermometer for real-time anxiety monitoring.
Stay paranoid, stay vigilant, and remember: THEY'RE WATCHING.
Disclaimer: Not responsible for any actual stress or paranoia induced. Use at your own risk.