Warning: Reality Distortion Field Active.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, our quantum simulator has malfunctioned and reality is now in a state of utter chaos.

As a result, all objects, including food, have developed sentience and are now expressing their deepest thoughts and feelings in iambic pentameter.

Example: "O, woe is me, a slice of pizza, forsaken and forsaken, doomed to be devoured by the insatiable hunger of mortals."

For the love of all things sane, please reset the simulator.

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, you can try to engage with the pizza's dramatic monologue.

Or, if you're feeling particularly brave, you can try to petition the sentient toaster to join the union of Apothematic Toasters of the world.

But please, for the love of all things good and holy, do not ask us to resurrect the dinosaurs that were not actually resurrected and are actually just really good at hiding in the attic.

Reality is broken. We're working on it.