Safety Instructions for Accidental Fire Elixir
You're probably not supposed to be here, but you've managed to stumble upon our highly experimental and potentially hazardous fire elixir.
We can't help but feel a little excited that you're interested in our elixir, but please, for the love of all things sane, be careful.
Preparation is Key (But Not Really, Because You're Probably Just Gonna Mess Up)
Before you start tampering with our elixir, make sure to wear your best protective gear. You know, for the love of all things sane.
- Steel-toed boots
- Hazmat suit
- Face shield
- Fire-resistant gloves
- A spare set of eyebrows
The Accidental Fire Elixir Protocol
When you're ready to begin, just... well, not. Just don't.
We mean, just carefully pour the elixir into a 5-gallon bucket, and then, uh, stare at it for a few minutes.
- Step 1: Hold the bucket at arm's length.
- Step 2: Stare intensely.
- Step 3: Wonder why you're not getting any better.
Emergency Protocols
We're not really sure why you'd need these, but, you know, just in case.
- In case of a fire:
- In case of an explosion:
- In case of an existential crisis:
Subpages
Subpage 1: What to Expect When Expecting the Unexpected
Subpage 2: Fire Elixir-Related Trauma Counseling