It's not you, it's the Eiffel Tower. It's always getting in the way and making you question your life choices. Maybe you'll find a clue about why you can't find your way out of this city, or a decent croissant. Or you know what? Maybe just take a selfie with a stranger and hope it all goes away.
Current Status: Confused, Hungry, and Lost. Repeat, Lost. Try the metro, it can't be that bad, or just ask a local for help. They love being helpful.