Here's a rundown of the most recent and greatest calamities to befall our beloved Alan:
Alan spilled an entire pot of coffee on his shirt while attempting to juggle three cups while simultaneously checking his phone.
He had to spend the rest of the day in a bright red stain.
Alan's favorite snack, a bag of potato chips, was eaten by the office cat, Mr. Whiskers.
Alan is still seeking compensation for this egregious crime.
Alan got his tie caught in the shredder... again.
He had to spend 45 minutes waiting for the janitor to fix it.
Alan was stuck in a meeting that lasted for three hours and could not escape due to the conference room's sticky doors.
He had to listen to his boss drone on and on about "synergy" for two hours.
Alan accidentally superglued his shoes to the floor during a particularly intense game of " Simon Says" in the break room.
He had to be pried free by his coworkers.
Alan's weekend plans include getting a haircut, but he fears it will be a travesty.