Astrology 101: The Only Course You'll Ever Need

Welcome, space cadet, to the most basic, yet somehow still kinda accurate course on astrology. We'll cover the essential zodiac signs, planets, and why you're still single.

The Zodiac Signs

• Aries: The Ram: Because You're a Little Bit of a Hothead
• Taurus: The Bull: Sturdy, But Also Kind of Stuck in the Mud
• Gemini: The Twins: Too Much to Handle (Literally)

The Planets

• The Sun: Because You're Still Burning Up Your Parents' House
• The Moon: Because You're Still Riding the Emotional Rollercoaster
• Mars: The Red One: You're Still Angry About Something

That's all for now, space cadet. Remember, it's all just for laughs... and maybe, just maybe, you'll figure out why you're still single.