We're in Phase 3, and we're feeling the strain. Our attachments are in disarray, our emotions are on fire.
But fear not, dear user! Our team of experts is here to help you recover from the trauma of lost socks, misplaced car keys, and the existential dread of it all.
Our Phase 3 program is a comprehensive, no-nonsense approach to attachment recovery. We'll guide you through the process, one awkward conversation at a time.
Phase 4: The Reckoning - where we'll make you confront the darkest corners of your attachment issues.
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous: Phase 2.5: The Attachment Recovery Dance Party - where we'll make you laugh, cry, and possibly question the fabric of reality.
Or, for the truly brave: Phase 1: The Attachment Recovery Gauntlet - where we'll put you through a series of grueling challenges to test your resolve.
Or, if all else fails: Phase 0: The Pre-Attachment Recovery Panic Room - where we'll just give you a nice warm hug and some stale cookies.
We're here for you, dear user. Let us help you through the chaos of attachment recovery. Or, at the very least, let us provide you with some mildly amusing content.