Why Are You Here?

Are you here for the free donuts? Or is it the crippling existential dread? Maybe you just wanted to see if we're open on Tuesdays?

Whatever the reason, welcome to the Attendants' Subpage. We have answers, but they're not guaranteed to be accurate or helpful.

Here's a brief rundown of our services:

• We'll give you a map to the nearest coffee shop.
• We'll tell you the best way to escape the building through the ventilation system.
• We'll offer you a 50/50 chance of getting you out of a parking ticket.

Or, if you're just looking for some good old-fashioned existential dread, we have that too.

Popular Subpages:

• Why Am I Here?
• More Answers
• What Is the Meaning of Life?

Subpages:

• The Meaning of Life
• What Do I Do Now?