PEANUT BUTTER STANDARDS

Standard 1: Spreadability

The art of applying the perfect amount of peanut butter to your toast. A delicate balance between too little and too much. We recommend a ratio of 3:2:1 (Peanut Butter:Toast:Regret)

Standard 2: Crunchiness

When to crunch and when to smooth. A question for the ages. We suggest a 5-point scale:

• Crisp and unforgiving (4/5)
• Just Right (3/5)
• Too Soft (2/5)
• Too Hard (1/5)
• Why Bother (0/5)

Standard 3: Sticking

The art of not sticking to the roof of your mouth. A feat of great skill and patience. We recommend a 3-step process:

1. Lick your fingers
2. Blow your nose
3. Repeat as necessary