Brain Boosting Services

Welcome, brain-deprived masses, to our esteemed Brain Boosting Services. We offer an array of packages to help you finally remember what you had for breakfast. Or, if you're feeling fancy, perhaps you'd like to recall the plot of that one novel you read in college.

• Basic Boost: The "I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast" (includes one free serving of coffee and a hint at the plot of "The Great Gatsby")
• Premium Boost: prophets and kings and stuff (includes 3 free servings of coffee, a detailed analysis of the entirety of "Infinite Jest," and 2 extra servings of existential dread)
• Ultimate Boost: The "I'm a functioning member of society!" (includes 5 free servings of coffee, an all-expenses-paid therapy session, and a 90-day money-back guarantee)

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, why not try our Custom-Boost package? It's like the others, but with more cat videos.