Brain-Boosting Packages

Our packages are designed to make you smarter, faster, and more interesting at parties. Guaranteed.

Package 1: Brain Surgeon

We'll implant a small, highly trained team of miniature surgeons into your brain. They'll work tirelessly to remove any unnecessary thoughts.

• Price: $1000
• Side effects: Increased focus, decreased procrastination, spontaneous recitation of Shakespearean sonnets

Package 2: Brain Transplant

We'll replace your existing brain with a newer, fancier model. Comes with complimentary personality upgrade.

• Price: $5000
• Side effects: Increased confidence, decreased self-awareness, occasional urge to yell at inanimate objects

Or, if you'd like to upgrade your brain without breaking the bank, try:

Package 3: Brain Tweak

We'll just give you a really nice haircut. It's science, really.

• Price: $20
• Side effects: Increased charm, decreased hairballs

Or, if you're feeling extra adventurous, try:

Package 4: Brain Swap

We'll swap your brain with a friend's brain. It's like a game of cerebral musical chairs, but with less chairs.

• Price: Priceless (just pay it forward)
• Side effects: Increased sense of community, decreased sense of self

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