Don't bother with fancy font styles or color schemes, just use the default Comic Sans. We don't care about your design skills.
Download Form 345-B (PDF)Write it by hand, with crayons, on a piece of cardboard. Make sure to include a drawing of a sad trombone.
Download Letter of Intent Template (PDF)Don't bother with online submission forms or email. We have a strict no-email policy due to our ancient, creaky fax machine.
Schedule a Submission AppointmentWe have a strict response delay of 6-12 months due to bureaucratic red tape and the need for extensive paper pushing.
Play the Waiting GameDon't worry, we'll probably reject you anyway. But hey, it's worth a shot, right?
Start the Appeal Process