Dear citizen, welcome to the Department of Unrelenting Red Tape. To apply for your birth certificate, please follow these simple steps:
1. Gather your DNA, your mother's favorite recipe for chicken soup, and your first memories of your parents' divorce.
2. Download the attached form, which has been lovingly crafted with the finest fonts and margins the government can provide.3. Fill out the form with as much detail as possible, including your height, weight, and preferred flavor of ice cream.
4. Attach the required documentation, which includes but is not limited to: a signed affidavit from your parents, a notarized letter from your pediatrician, and a copy of your first kiss.
Once we receive your application, our team of highly trained officials will review it with the utmost care and attention to detail. If everything checks out, you will be granted your birth certificate with all the pomp and circumstance you deserve!
Don't forget to check out our other services:
Thank you for your patience, and we look forward to serving you with the utmost efficiency and bureaucratic delight!