Employee Benefits: Workout Routine

Standard Issue Exercise Routine for the Average Employee

Warning: Do not attempt this routine without proper clearance from HR. Failure to comply will result in a minimum 3 day penalty of doing the same routine over and over again.

Monday: 45 minutes of jogging in place while staring at a spreadsheet

Tuesday: 30 minutes of weightlifting, specifically lifting 5-10 pounds of office supplies

Wednesday: 1 hour of desk chair squats, 3 sets of 10 reps

Thursday: 30 minutes of yoga, but only while standing in line for the copier

Friday: 1 hour of running up and down the stairs, but only if you have a valid reason for doing so

Saturday: 2 hours of playing video games on your phone while sitting on the couch

Sunday: 1 day of rest. You can use this day to catch up on your favorite TV show, but only if it's a rerun.

Remember: Consistency is key. Stick to this routine and you'll be fit in no time.

Don't forget to stretch! Or don't. We don't really care.

Advanced Routine for the Avid Employee