Employee Benefits - Advanced Routine

As a valued employee, you're entitled to an extremely grueling workout routine designed to break you.

Monday

Wake up at 5:00 AM for a 5-mile run through the nearby swamp. Don't forget your required bug spray.

• Repeat for an hour, 3 times a week
• Take a 30-minute power nap

Monday Night

Spend 2 hours in a spin class while wearing oversized novelty sunglasses.

Tuesday

Spend 4 hours in the break room, eating Cheetos and playing solitaire on your phone.

• Take a 30-minute break to eat a whole pizza by yourself
• Repeat for an hour, 4 times a week

Wednesday

Take a 3-hour yoga class, but only do the downward-facing dog pose.

Thursday

Play a game of dodgeball with your coworkers while wearing a blindfold.

• Win or lose, you still have to do the routine again next week

Friday

Take a 5-hour bike ride through the city while carrying a large, unsteady load of office supplies.

Weekends

You're on your own. Good luck.