As a proud and noble servant of the state, I hereby swear to uphold the sacred oath of office. I vow to fill out forms in triplicate, to attend interminable meetings, and to never, ever, under any circumstances, actually help anyone.
May my desk be a mountain range of paperwork, my inbox a never-ending abyss of emails, and my sanity a fleeting memory of a bygone era.
By the power vested in me by the great and powerful Bureaucratic Code, I hereby take the Oath of Office: