This is a formal notice to inform you that the stapler is not, in fact, a suitable outlet for your existential dread.
Please direct all further complaints and frustrations to the Human Resources Department, located in the basement.
Submit Form: "I Hate My Job"As you are well aware, the copier in the office has been jammed for the past week. Please do not attempt to fix it yourself.
We have hired a specialist from the "We Fix It For You" company, and they are on their way.
They will arrive at 9am sharp, and will likely charge us an additional $200 for their services.
Please do not attempt to communicate with them, as they are notoriously bad at small talk.
View Specialist Fee Schedule