Step 1: Gather Data (But Not Really)
Our highly trained and overpaid team of specialists have collected a vast array of irrelevant information, carefully selected from the vast expanse of available options.
Step 2: Review Documents (But Only If You Have Time)
Our experts will scrutinize the collected data, but only after they've finished their afternoon coffee break. Please wait patiently for the results of this arduous process.
Step 3: Consult with Stakeholders (Who Are Probably On Vacation)
We've scheduled a meeting with the relevant stakeholders, but they're all on a cruise ship in the Mediterranean until next Thursday. Don't worry, we'll just send them a nice postcard.
Step 4: Review and Revise (Until You Get It Right)
Our team of specialists will revise and re-revise until they're satisfied that the decision is correct. Please note that "satisfied" is a relative term.
Step 5: Implement the Decision (But Only If You Can)
Once we've finalized the decision, we'll pass it along to the implementation team, who will... um... do something with it. Maybe.