In the event of a fire or other emergency, please remain calm and follow these steps:
1. Do not use the elevator! We repeat: DO NOT USE THE ELEVATOR! (We're looking at you, Mr. Johnson.)
2. Proceed to the designated emergency assembly point. Don't be late, we're all counting on you.
3. Contact the emergency services team using the numbers provided. They're on speed dial. Don't bother trying to find them, just call.
4. Grab a first aid kit and a fire extinguisher. You can never be too safe.
And for goodness' sake, don't forget to fill out the emergency report form. It's not just for the bureaucrats, it's for your own records, you know.
Stay safe, stay alert, and remember: in the event of a fire or other emergency, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATOR!