MANDATORY USE OF SARCASM IN OFFICIAL COMMUNICATIONS
Effective immediately, all government officials are required to include at least three instances of sarcasm in every official statement.
Failure to comply will result in termination of employment and/or forced viewing of an endless loop of bureaucratic PowerPoint presentations.
See Decree 14 for more information on the proper use of eye-roll humor.
Examples of acceptable uses of sarcasm include:
- Responding to constituent complaints with an air of disdain
- Using the phrase "I'm shocked, SHOCKED, SHOCKED!" in official memos
- Including a gratuitous use of alliteration in every report
Examples of unacceptable uses of sarcasm include:
- Laughing maniacally while reading from a script
- Using the phrase "I'm not a morning person" in a meeting
- Refusing to acknowledge a constituent's question
