Caffeine Injections Methodology

We're glad you asked. Our patented Caffeine Injections Methodology is a rigorous process for achieving optimal alertness and/or existential dread through controlled doses of pure, unadulterated caffeine.

Here are our step-by-step guidelines:

• Conduct an initial self-assessment to determine your baseline alertness quotient.
• Prepare for potential existential crisis by setting aside 30 minutes of quiet time to contemplate the meaninglessness of it all.
• Consume 1-10mg of caffeine per kilogram of body weight.
• Engage in 30 minutes of high-intensity exercise to simulate a panic attack.
• Breathe into a paper bag to achieve optimal carbon dioxide absorption rates.

Recommended Caffeine Injection Techniques:

For the more adventurous, we recommend the following injection methods:

• Syringe Injection
• IV Administration
• Eipiphanic Injection (for the truly committed)