You're trying too hard. Let me help you.
Listen, pal, I know you think you're a contender, a force to be reckoned with, but trust me, you're not. You're like a sad trombone at a wedding. Nobody wants to listen to that.
Here's what you do:
Take a deep breath. Let your shoulders sag. Let your arms dangle at your sides like a pair of limp noodles. Feel the wind in your hair.
Get some therapy