Canonical Copier Usage Guidelines

Dear user,

Congratulations! You've managed to acquire a brand new Canonical Copier 3000. We hope you're ready for a lifetime of tedious paperwork and existential dread.

Rule 1: Don't Touch Anything

When first booting up the Canonical Copier 3000, please do not touch any of the controls or buttons. Just stare at it in awe, wondering how such a behemoth of a machine can exist in a world so cruel and unforgiving.

Rule 2: Read the 500-Page Manual

The manual is not optional. We repeat: THE MANUAL IS NOT OPTIONAL. You will need to read it at least three times before you can even begin to comprehend the copier's many, many features.

Rule 3: Use the Correct Inkjet Toner

Failure to use the correct inkjet toner may result in subpar copy quality, paper jams, and/or spontaneous combustion. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Rule 4: Don't Look Directly at the Copier

Direct eye contact with the copier's glowing red eye may cause irreversible damage to your soul. Prolonged exposure may lead to madness, despair, and/or a strong desire to reformat the entire office.

Rule 5: Turn It Off When Not In Use

To conserve energy, prevent paper dust buildup, and/or to avoid being possessed by an ancient, malevolent spirit.

For more information on the finer points of copier usage, please see:

• Copy Culture 101
• Copier Ergonomics
• Office Space Clearing Procedures